Listening
To hear is to physically experience the sense of sound. As long your ear and brain are in good working order, and capable of processing sound waves, one can hear.
It takes courage and intentional choice to be a great listener not just one who hears.
I confess there have been more times than I am comfortable admitting when I am able to nod appropriately, make affirming sounds and yet be completely tuned out to the words that are being spoken
It takes saying NO to a lot of distractions, to clear a space, daily, in which we can actually hear ourselves and those around us. It takes time, practice and a commitment to choose to listen not just hear.
1. Look at who is speaking to you. When it comes to being a good listener, it’s important to have eye contact with the other person. This small act speaks volumes to whoever in you are in conversation with you. Without eye contact, it diminishes the value of their words and may indicate to them you don’t care what they have to say. This takes practice and intention.
2. Listen for the why and the what. Why are they talking to you and what is their message? When you look for why and what you become more engaged into the conversation. This takes practice too.
3. Focus focus focus on the other person. It’s easy for us to think about what we want to say when the other person stops talking. If you are constantly thinking about your response, you will miss what they have to say. More practice.
4. Limit distractions. We live in a society filled with distractions. For you to be a good listener, it is vital to be intentional about limiting distractions during your conversation, whether it be the television, cell phone, texts or alerts. Chose to value those you are with when you are with them. Unless you are the president, it can wait.
5. Engage yourself in the conversation. Let the other person know they have your attention. Show the other person you value them and are interested in what they have to say. One way you can show engagement is by responding with a short comment, such as “Yes” or “I understand.” This expresses to the other person that you are truly listening. Do not however nod your head like a puppet on a string. This only communicates impatience for them to stop so you can start.
Be where you are completely whenever you are there.
Giving the gift of focused listening is one that will never be outgrown or unwanted. Put your phone away when your little one comes to you with a story book. When your spouse takes you out to dinner, leave your phone in your purse or pocket. If your friend meets you for coffee, don’t answer texts from another friend or your teenage child. It can all wait.
