Fearful Writing- Why I am afraid to admit I am a Writer
I am participating in the ‘Writing Contest: You Are A Writer’ held by Positive Writer and you are invited to do so too!
 Procrastinating since Bryan Hutchinson of Positive Writer offered this challenge, I have finally wrangled my restless self to the chair and purposed to declare to the world the who what why and how of my writing.  I am slightly terrified to begin this post. 
Writing is a bit of a solitary sport. It is primarily done in isolation with words seeing the light of day only upon the release of a blog, the query to an editor or the submission of a post.
Words become alive as we pen through the pouring out of our soul. There is trepidation and a wretched  inner voice which repeats a litany of negative thoughts at each step of our writing journey. I often hear the ugly chorus of-  “What are you doing ? Who will listen or care what you think or say?” This voice is known by many creatives as the inner critic. and it has been known to paralyze many a writer or artist to the place of nothingness.
Writing brings vulnerability, Â fear of failure and rejection to the heart of many who call themselves writers. I am no exception. Most humans on the planet desire love, acceptance and acknowledgement of what they offer to the world.
Me too.
Forever- I have loved words, reading, writing and the speaking of them. I love the idea and exchange of thoughts, dreams, adventure  and the potential each syllable brings. I am fascinated with a book well written, a speech delivered with inspiration and the power of  an authentic discussion over coffee with friends.
Drawn– like a bug towards the light, I am tugged toward the path of writing. It is a strange journey which I find myself on- this marriage of words into my life. Â I have begun to acknowledge in a variety of settings, without casting my eyes downward or clearing my throat nervously….with a greater confidence and boldness-
 “I write. I am a writer. Yes. I am”
It is difficult to recall how long this sense of churning and turmoil I live with every day has been a part of my life. Forever I think… yes, perhaps forever.
While expecting each of my children I carried a similar sensation as I awaited their birth. I did not know what they would look like, whether they would be male or female, what would they be or do … I knew nothing except the joy of anticipation.
Writing is like this to me. I am writer, I write. I am becoming a writer. I have so much to learn. I carry an anticipation, if I continue to grow this gift placed within me it will expand and be more than I have yet to dream possible.
I have been called to be a coach and a writer. I did not ask for it, nor do I see clearly each step ahead. I only know as Steven Pressfield encourages in his book of the same title, I must Do the Work . I will not be published, I will not change the world with my words, I will not bring influence, joy or hope if I do not do this work.  
Each day I wrestle with myself to put words on paper or press the keyboard.  It is similar to how I feel about running. I love having run, but I don’t like running! I know there are runners who love running. I am not one of them, but I adore the feeling of accomplishment  I feel when I have completed a run and pushed myself to complete a goal.
Each word written allows more opportunity to bring change, encouragement and life to others- it is a privilege and honor to be a writer.
David the great psalmist writes , Â The tongue can bring death or life;Â Â those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Â Proverbs 18:21 Â (NLT)
I am humbled and thankful for the gift of writing. I hold it before the Lord each time I write- an offering of my heart and life back to him. Â My prayer daily is to be useful to the master author with each word I write or speak.
What about you? When did you first declare to the world – I am a writer? I am an artist? I am a …….. ? Â How do you quiet your inner critic? Â What methods do you use to discipline yourself to be your best self ?
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Please share in the comments your thoughts-Â Â I would love to hear what inspires you to BE YOU!Â
Nancy, I wanted to be a writer for a very long time before I ever felt confident to actually start writing. More than anything, I didn’t believe I had anything to say. Like most people, I suppose, the urge to be heard overpowered me and I started a blog. Someday, I hope to write fiction, which is to me what “real” writers write.
High school classes in art and writing carried such impact yet I so many years I ignored that part of myself. I have finally found the fullness of me at God’s leading me back to this creativity in my 40’s….and it feels so good!!
Yes….Write on!
Love it- Write ON !! The words you write, the way in which you speak profound and powerful truths… often give me food for thought for each day! keep writing…. just keep writing.
Hugs my friend BIG hugs!
Hi Nancy, Bryan’s writing contest brought so many varied reasons for writing together. I am glad he had this idea. Putting words to paper as to why we write and want to write is liberating in a way. A reminder to write and learn and to silence that inner critic (mine still works overtime). Well said “Writing is a marriage of words in your life”
Patricia- so true… as we place those words on paper- what we bring mulitiplies in strength- and silences those nagging critical whispers.
Be free my writer friend- Blessings 🙂
Nancy
LOVE!!:)
It wasn’t until after the ACFW conference last year that I’d public ally admit Im a writer (even changed me FB status;) ) but I still find it hard to be vocal about it! Yet I can’t shy away or stop! God’s planted this passion, and in pursuing it I’ve pursued Him in ways that have only deepened and strengthened His hold on my life:) May it only I overflow to others!!
What I want to know, Nancy, is what do you write?? I love writing devotionals on my blog, but I also write Contemporary Romance (God is the greatest romantic ever!! And I love how Jesus spoke in parables–what a story teller!) and Women’s Fiction.
Susan-
Glad you LOVE 🙂 … it is so hard to say the words I write, I am a writer- it is in saying it becomes real.If it is real- it brings more vulnerability- and possilbity of rejection and failure… and hope and grace and power and change… it must be written before the words can be released and God can use the gift to which he has called us. …. we wrestle always wrestle, even in the writing not against flesh and blood- but against the power which desires to keep us from being God’s mouthpiece. We are not responsbile for the outcome- only for the do… I believe we do what we do… to the very best we are able- release it to Abba- he smiles, sez thanks- I will take it from here…. good job daughter! 🙂
I am a writer of encouragement, inspiration and hope. It may come through memoir writing, non fiction short essay or devotionals. I have not jumped into fiction yet- although I am fascinated at the process of developing characters and bringing them to life through story.
Your devotional writing inspires me to dig deeper and reach further to Jesus. You words are truly a gift.
Blessings- Nancy 🙂
I think I have always been a writer, as my large box full of journals over the last 35 (or so) years demonstrates. I sold a story over 25 years ago, when I was expecting my son. But I haven’t submitted anything for publication until this year, and I have sold two stories. There is a great deal of difference between private writing (journals) and public writing (blogs, periodicals, and books). In journal writing, my inner critic pounces on my character flaws, difficulties, etc. It is more stream of consciousness, with less attention paid to structure. Writing for public consumption sometimes takes more time, must have a structure. And once I have published it to my blog, I find myself rethinking it, finding mistakes, rewriting.
My journal writing has been the impetus for some of my blog posts, as I go back through the journals in my effort to put a book together. I don’t know if my blog will coalesce into a book or not, but I have over 100 blog posts on that blog, so it is getting close.
I think I, also, am drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
However, in July 2011, I decided it was time to take action. It was time to “just start” writing. To put my dream into reality. To invest time and money into writing. To meet with other writers. To go to writing conferences. To submit my writing for publication. And to declare to other people that I am a writer. This month is my two-year anniversary of doing the work of a writer, instead of just dreaming.
Agreed… the start is the beginning. perfection is not… starting, working writing and shipping.. and then starting again – congrats on your two year anniversary writer girl !! Keep at it- you have a story to share and words to bring which will change the world!
Blessings- Nancy 🙂
Oh the journals….occasionally I will re read old journals… and I range from amazed at the journey of my life the faithfulness of God and being surprised to say “hey I wrote THAT ..” and wanting to burn them all !!
I love the idea of using some of the journal entries as impetus for blog posts. I may have to venture into those old journals again for just such a purpose.
Blessings!
Nancy 🙂
I’ve been reading my journals the last few days. I have to agree. I would like to pitch most of it. But I am looking for the story. My daughter saw me reading it yesterday, and she says, it’s obvious you didn’t have a computer back then (1991). It’s all handwritten.
love it !! handwriting is so- “yesterday” . At times, I wonder when handwriting will become the new “thing” .. perhaps there will be courses offered to “find” your handwriting style. … when will we miss the hand written letters and receipe cards of our generation?
I still cherish handwritten notes and cards from people who are special to me….
Blessings!
After I put my blog up, and wrote my About page was when I was able to say I was a Writer. Do I always believe it? Not really. Especially since I’m still way out of focus when it comes to a niche. You would think I’d gain some confidence in my ability after I read what others have to say about feeling the same way. Reminding myself there’s a long road ahead keeps me plodding on.
Sweet Shelley- Every day putting words on paper seems like it would silence the inner critic for the next day. But just as we get up every morning the critic jumps up too- we shut it down when we keep pushing those keys- and pressing through! Keep on keepin’ on sister!!
Blessings Nancy 🙂
http://geraldthewriter.com/2012/02/27/name-calling-2/
The tells the story of when I started calling myself a writer. Nancy, I love this post. Thank you for the encouragement. As my friend Peter DeHaan would say…Write on!
Thanks Jerry ….. word by word we continue onward- blessings!! Nancy