Coming to Peace With the Dry Places – Creating Again

Dry places do not set up encampment overnight. Instead they move in gradually. The flow of words slow to a barely discernible trickle. One excuse was “too busy.”  Helping others. Fatigue. Blocked. Overwhelmed. More busy. Where there was life and a birth of thoughts woven into words there was none and they rattled about my soul like an empty mason jar filled with coins.   Days turned into weeks which turned into months.    No Words. Only Silence.

  The faucet was closed. Nothing coming out and nothing going in.

There was a chain wrapped tight. Rusted. Ugly silence blamed on everyone and everything else. Reasons. Excuses.

Fear- choking hope of  words coming to life again.

 

Dry.  Lifeless.

I was in a hard place. No water. No joy and no life.  Instead of pushing into the creator of life and words, I slipped back, away and into the dark hole of nothingness.

Depression is not always big and debilitating for me. It has been at times, a knock down drag out fight, little me surviving its terrifying onslaught with a blanket on my head, never opening my eyes kind of ugly.

I hate that it is lurking at the corners of my existence and threatens to steal life from me. It is a battle I and so many fight each day.

Christ followers. Beautiful loved and cherished by the King of the Universe daughters and sons. Many filled with shame at the mention of the “d” word. Feeling less than, not enough or failure- ish. Empty.

The spiral into the ugly was different this time- it wasn’t an “in a corner with a blanket on my head” time.

But, I had forgotten how to create with abandon, with the shear joy of making something beautiful, amazing and incredible first for myself and my creator.

I wish I could say I woke up one morning  and it was easy and beautiful again with all  well and good with my creative soul.  Even more, I long to imagine I will not find myself here again. Deep inside I imagine instead, I may.

I have expectations of how I should be living. Expectations of others. Expectations of how I had imagined life to be. I am coming to peace with dry places, trickling faucets, chains and blanket.

 I am also at peace with blossoms on cactus, rushing rivers, freedom and joy.  All of it. Life lived inside out and intentional with its tattered and rough silent places is still worth getting up for and breathing another day.

Choosing life. Choosing hope. Choosing Joy.

Creativity is what God did in the beginning.  He looked around and said it was good. He knew from the foundation of the earth, what he had created, when released to man,  would become ugly at times… and he still spoke it good. He speaks goodness into his creativity and He whispers the same to us… seeing us with all of our fears, phobias and struggles… goodness is all he sees.

Thankful.

Lord of the Universe, bring boldness to our lives to create, to laugh and take steps to the next place -one at a time.  When we are fearful, bring courage to our hearts and a steadiness to our journey. Thank you for the air we breathe, for another day to become more like you. Forgive us for taking our eyes off you. Restore life to the dryness  in our lives. Open our hearts to believe you with a greater abandon!  Thank you for your faithfulness, love and grace.  Amen 

Thank you sweet reader friend for stopping by our little community here. The prayer on my lips as I send these words into the world is for a touch from God upon your heart as you read and perhaps share them with another who may find life and hope infused into their dry places. 

 

Mega love and blessings to you this day! 

 

Nancy