Saying No
Do you have difficulty saying no? Do you feel you must say yes to others at the expense of your own peace of mind?
You are not alone. For years I was not good at saying no. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I would find myself saying yes to someone else and short changing myself and my own family. My choice to say yes to everyone else was causing a ripple effect equaling a great big no to what I most wanted to say yes to!
The outside of me was saying yes, when the inside of me was silently screaming NO!
In the midst of the craziness I had created by too many yeses, I began to have occasional “light bulb” moments where I saw glimpses of the gritty reality I had slipped into. I was tired, stressed, irritated, frustrated and lived with little margin.
Often the help I sincerely hoped to give by saying yes was an epic fail in every way. My yes became a mess and I had no one to blame but myself.
I needed to learn to say no.
Why Is It So Hard To Say No?
- You want to help- You are a kind soul and you truly want to reach out.
- You don’t want to be rude- Saying no feels impolite, and no one wants to be uncouth.
- You dislike conflict- When we agree to say yes, we feel like we are choosing an easier way.
- You don’t want to miss out- What if great things happen by saying yes? We fear by saying no we could be left behind.
- You are afraid of rejection- If we say no, we could be setting ourselves up to be on the receiving end of negative vibes. Rejection is avoided by most at all cost.
Saying no does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.
At the end of the day, it’s more about how you say “no”, rather than just saying no. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and personal priorities. It’s about seeing a way to be more intentional about your yes!
7 Simple Ways To Say “No”
Rather than living in a state of denial and believing no is not an option, it’s possible to learn the right way to say no and still be able to live comfortably in your own skin!
1. I am juggling several obligations right now and can’t give you the attention you deserve. It’s better to reply with integrity than to be vague. Most people will appreciate the decency you give them when you answer honestly.
2. Now is not a good time. I am in the middle of something. Can we try again? Use this only if you are willing to give a big yes in the future. Not a good option if you aren’t interested in what will surely be a future request.
3. I would love to help but… This is useful to have in your “no” toolbox if you want to encourage the one asking, but simply are not able to be the one to help at the moment they need you.
4. Let me think about it and get back to you. Be careful with this one. It’s more like a maybe. If you say you will think about and get back to them… do both. Follow through. Your integrity is at stake here.
5. I don’t think I am the best person to help you on this project or committee. When you decline with this type of no, it is extremely helpful if you are able to refer them to someone who can help them. Your no may provide them with a better solution than your yes could have. A definite win-win for everyone.
6. I appreciate your confidence in me, but what you are asking is not even close to my happy place. This is another way of telling the ask-er, I am not good at this thing, and you will regret what will happen if I agree to do what you are asking me.
7. No. It won’t work for me, I’m sorry. There will be times when you have to simplify the process and simply say no. Some folks will not hear anything but this direct approach. You need not explain your why, only be direct and clear. Sorry, no is often the best response.
When you say no you are saying a bigger yes to something else.
What would you like to say no to?
What is stopping you from saying it?
How will saying no open a door to a bigger yes?
Love to get your feed back! If this has been helpful, please share!
Blessings to all… here’s to a better YES!
Saying “no,” is a sign that you are taking care of yourself. And we were taught for the longest time taking care of yourself meant you were being selfish. It’s not true, but some find this out after they get burned out. Good reminder, Nancy.
ahh.. my friend yes the dreaded “selfish- no” – especially as a wife and mom- thankful to be learning sometimes our no can be our biggest yes!
Coach Nancy another wonderful post! Thank you so much for the tips on how to say no. I’ve been in the middle of studying for state exams since March 16th. I’ve passed the Life Insurance exam thus far. The next two securities exams are coming up in less than two weeks.
I’ve said all of that to say “if” we perhaps write down & hang it up our list of what is priority right now in the current stage of life we are in as far as personally, spiritually, professionally etc. then I believe we would find it easier to say no.
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and forget the task at hand. I know some will read this and say where is the spontaneity. That’s where prayer and meditation on God’s scriptures come into play. We must run everything by Him first. Asking God to help us keep everything in balance so as to not drop any balls in our juggling routine will make all of the difference. Being led by the Holy Spirit of God leads to life.
Oh those exams are not easy- I have taken them too. Prayers as you keep on following God’s plan for your life my friend. (hugs)